Abstrusion (poetry collection) Part 2

 EVEN LESS I’ve looked at love from all sides now, Waxing, waning, disseminating On the moonlit shore of dreams. I’ve seen this miracle awaken I’ve watched it break down to nothing. I’ve looked at love Through childhood’s page Through teenage fears and middle age. I’ve tasted its honey. I’ve wasted its money. I’ve exalted it. I’ve faulted it. The golden years are here Strewn with silver tears And threaded through the eye of yesterday’s needle. I’ve looked at love from all sides now And understand it Even less.  I SUCCUMB Moping and groping, Searching to find a tranquil thought To stave off this infiltrating insanity. What happens to the heart When you realize the one you count on Isn’t going to be there ever? What happens to the mind When the emotional turmoil Becomes so tightly wound The threads of sense break? An empty gnawing feeling Begins to claw its way into the soul Perhaps to nap Perchance to sleep the endless sleep. Unravelling to the 23rd degree For the 24th time I succumb To the numbness I’ve become.  LOVE’S METAL The tears I cry Are wetter than ever before As I watch them fall onto The imaginary mirror of this page. I see reflected in them “the possible” And “the impossible”. I see you. I see me. I see us And then I don’t see us. The teardrops meet and blend And I see the dream I had for us. The dream I’ve tried so hard to make come true. It’s reduced to teardrops, Adrift on a tide of raw emotion. It’s still intact, But it’s heavy with love’s metal. I can’t pick it up by myself. Maybe you could help me lift it So we can hold it to our hearts And make them new again. Right now, I’m just staring at the dream And praying it doesn’t evaporate.  NEVER LOST When you can’t find a song to thrill you anymore, I will be your music. When you can’t find a dream to build on anymore, I will be your foundation. When you can’t find the passion that flared before, I will be your candle in the wind, your primordial spark. When life is unfair and you’re world weary, I will bring you fresh new moments Laced with the fragrance of flowers Sprinkled with morning dewdrops. When you’re soul is thirsting, I will be your water, your river, your lake. When your chest feels tight and the air becomes thin, I will be your breath. When you feel a frost starting deep inside you, I will be your fire. I will vanquish the chill and destroy the ice. When you lose yourself, I will always find you.  NO STRANGER The wind whispers your name And drifts daydreams of you Through the canyons of my reverie. You’re no stranger to this secret territory. Instantly my blood recognizes you And my pulse quickens. I see your image Across every sunlit sky. I smell your essence In every raindrop that touches my skin. I feel your love everywhere, Surrounding me, Sanctifying me, Keeping me safe Inside the warm hold of your heart. We never were strangers. We were one The moment we first touched.  ETERNAL Where we are concerned There is no beginning, middle or end. Our love always has been, Always is, And always will be. Eternal. You claim me just by looking at me. You own me just by touching me. You keep me safe just by speaking to me. You transform me into pure love Whenever I hear you whisper my name. When I speak of love I speak of you. There has never been another. There never will be. Eternal.  SURVIVAL Don’t ever doubt The depth of my love for you. It’s a perpetual circle That begins and ends In the vortex Of your very being. It transcends all levels of reality, Known and undiscovered. There is no music When you’re gone. There is no sunshine Without your smile. There are no dreamscapes Without your eyes. There are no sensations Without your touch. There is no love Without you. I become lost in a damp fog Whenever you remove yourself From my world. Return to me. Smile for only me. Touch my heart to bring it alive again. Bring back the music, The sunshine, Bring back the dreamscapes, The sensations. Bring back your love That I may survive.  THANK YOU Thank you For the nights in white satin; For the days strewn with sunshine; For the moments of glory; For the glimpse into infinity; For the creative inspiration. Thank you For all the little things; For all the big things; For the magical mornings; For the mystical evenings; For all the indelible days. Thank you For holding me so close; For kissing me passionately; For caressing me tenderly; For touching my soul; For loving me. I always knew You could never be mine But thank you for trying.  SPECTACULAR NIGHTS The nights of you and I Those spectacular nights Glittering with the dust of diamonds, Alive with the touch of silk, As we lay feathered together Inside our pillowed dream. Glory abounded and heaven smiled As we exchanged each other Inside the breathing bullet we fired. We touched each other’s soul And layed claim to love. We embraced, and touched the sun. We kissed, and entered heaven. We made love and became pure spirit. Some things can’t be stopped: A tidal wave; An erupting volcano; Our love. Those spectacular nights of you and I Will live forever In my memory.  THERE USED TO BE LIGHTNING There used to be lightning To illuminate my darkened universe. It flashes no more. There used to be a key To access a world of happiness But tears have submerged the door. There used to be soft raindrops To cleanse and wash away the hurt That careless words created. There used to be sanity To understand the emotions We were spinning Til sense became too inebriated. There used to be so much love Before we became lost. There used to be lightning. Now, There’s only a faint echo Of distant thunder.  UNCHAINED Chained to a ghostly speck of dust The weight was unbearable. Lost between pulse beats The silence was defeaning So I dove into a sea of forgetfulness And became suffocated with memories Burned by an icy finger, Warmed by a frozen palm print, Silver pathways began to form and disappear Flashing off and on In some bizarre neon dimension of soul. A snowdrift of anti matter Swept me off my fountain of fear. I floated through many universes Finally coming to rest on you. No longer chained to a ghostly speck of dust I languish safely Inside your red hot deafening pulse beat And it is enough. You are all I hear  UNSEARCHABLE ` As the rain falls, Sky tears mingle with mine As I become one With this coldest night of nights. I’ve seen fire, But tonight I can’t even recall what it felt like. This chill is too encompassing. This rain is too hard. Sometimes I feel I’m part of the rain, Or it’s a child of mine Stillborn inside a veil of sorrow. I’ll wrap this rain around me To save me from myself Until I am the rain. I’ll fall softly through oblivion Until I become unsearchable  WHEN YOU SMILE When you smile and your eyes sparkle, I catch a fleeting glimpse of the many magical moments to come. I see virgin lands of love laying wantonly in wait For the fingertips of my mind to discover. From this one glimpse into paradise I can and will create a coveted new fabric to clothe your soul in. If I could: I’d harness the moon and stars To light your darkest hours; I’d lasso the wind and weave it into a tender towel To dry your wettest tears; I’d package the soft summer rain in a golden vial To soothe your fevered brow; I’d glean the colors from a beautiful sunset To paint your life with enchantment and love. If I could do these things for you Believe me, I would. Smile once, for only me, That I may save it To keep me dry on a rainy day. When you smile, You make my heart stand still. And you always will!  BEFORE YOU LOOKED AWAY You were my world. My sun rose and set on only you. You were my moonlight. My dreams turned to gold inside your embrace. You were the brightest star in my sky, Spilling dust on my heart to warm it. You were my greatest passion. The flame burned so hot Some embers will never die. You were the love of my life, And though we’re parted You remain the love of my life. The last time I saw you I looked at you hard with love And saw the story of my life Written in your eyes Before you looked away.  LOST Molten lead Dripping from the Universe’s pencil Runs through me onto these pages And creates the comfort I so covet. Steel teardrops Stolen from the sea of love Lacerate my eyes. Indigo dreams, So dark they hide magical moments. Never quite real And now, Almost forgotten. I’m lost. I’m searching for that part of me I lost inside you. If I can find it, I won’t be lost anymore. Molten lead, steel teardrops and indigo dreams Are my constant companions. When the last spark of love I feel for you has finally died, They’ll belong to you.  CRAB CAKES & JAZZ Whenever I think of crab cakes and jazz I’ll be remembering you. When I recall heartaches and tears I’ll see a vision of you. Whenever I lose something I want I’ll be thinking of you. As the years pass by and we’re far apart, In a hazy memory, Your image will flash On the screen of my mind - Sometimes dripping with love; Sometimes drenched with tears; But whenever I think of crab cakes and jazz I’ll remember you.  STARLIGHT SKATING RINK I’m skating on starlight just outside your vision. Showering in moonbeams, turning to silver. All my moments are filled with loving Candice James I’ll pass your way again, and if you’ve got your skates on Reach out for me and I’ll grab your hand and never let it go. We’ll dance together forever in this starlight skating rink I built for only you, just outside of heaven’s door. I need to always be with Candice James I’ll offer you the key. If you touch it gently With your diamond love my world will turn to gold.  EVEN BRIGHTER You’re my water When my spirit is dying of thirst. You’re my sustenance When my soul is bleeding with hunger. You pour your essence over me. I’m alive again. In my eyes You shine Like a beautiful multi-faceted diamond. I know all your edges. To my body You feel like rich luxurious velvet Burning new descriptions Indelibly into my fingertips. To my mind You are life and death And the long winding pathway Through ecstasy and agony. To my spirit You are my soul You stoke the embers in my mind. You create my fire. You will never be homeless. You’ll always live inside me. I breathe on your flame That you may burn even brighter.  I CAN’T RUN – I CAN’T HIDE The cracked sidewalks I’m traveling, Shift haphazardly and yawn a warning Into my deafened soul. I try to run. I try to hide As the landscape of my heart Breaks into brittle needles & pins. I feel the vines of prophecy Climbing like ivy in my mind Seeking their own truth As they slide around my neck To handcuff my breath. It’s a long slow kind of death I never chased down, But somehow it found me And became mine When you waltzed into my life. I can’t run. I can’t hide, But I can dance this song to death That I may be reborn Into someone else’s rhapsody.  ME WITHOUT YOU It’s like walking to the bedroom, But when you arrive You feel like you’re only halfway there. Sometimes I find myself turning around And waiting for myself to catch up with me. It’s a rabid displacement of all things Familiar and forgotten. Memories flash off and on, Haze in and out. The good ones try to outsmart the bad ones, But they all end up On the slaughterhouse floor of my heart. It’s like walking into your own heart And not recognizing it. Somehow it’s become a total stranger Wandering haphazardly through your mind. It’s like walking through heaven’s door And ending up in hell. This is me Without you.  MOVING Moving through these unknown times I’m spinning on a dime Pretending it’s a quarter, Fooling only the sad clown In the last row of this theatre of doom. Moving through this night so long There’s no whisper of light, No lure of warmth, No blanket to hide under Except this sheet of tears This space of ice. Moving through this hard edged desperation There’s only crimes And suicides of the heart To be investigated; To be dissected; Then blessed; Then divested. Eventually Moving through Becomes Moving on.  NO WAY OUT OF YOU You pulled that rug right out from under me When I wasn’t expecting it. Good thing I’m an experienced cat not a kitten I managed to land on my feet And only broke my heart. I’m direly in need of some exotic catnip But unfortunately you’re the only source I know And you’re not supplying me anymore. I’m teetering on a high voltage tightrope Too frightened to open my eyes And too scared to take a step For fear of falling into the truth. I should have checked for a safety net Before I entered the circus ring in your dangerous heart. I’m stuck in the middle with no supplier and no safety net And, no way out of you.